The Last Parent

One of the most conflicting, saddest times in life has to be watching one’s parents age, become ill, and pass on. Midlife is usually when people begin to lose their parents. I lost my father young, when he was 59 and I was 25, but my mother lived to see her grandchildren grow up, and so did Randy’s parents. My spouse, Randy, lost his mother to a glioblastoma (malignant brain tumor) in 2007, and my mother succumbed to emphysema just two months before Randy had an unexpected double lung transplant in September 2013. Now, Randy’s father is becoming more and more frail, and it is heartbreaking to watch. And yet…

It hurts to see Pop Pop this way, but he has lived a full, long life. He had six grandchildren, and he has been at 3 of their weddings. He is a great-grandfather twice over. He went through the hell of watching his youngest son come close to death, but Randy survived and they have been closer than ever since that horrible time. He lost his beloved wife, but has been able to enjoy the last six years traveling the world with a woman friend. Pop Pop has lived his life the way he wanted to, and I do not believe that he left anything important undone.

What is important to understand in this situation is that it is a privilege to grow old. Not everyone gets to do it. My father missed so much…and I haven’t lived a day without thinking of him, wishing he was here. Growing old has its challenges and its sorrows, yes, but I think most people would prefer to face these issues than the alternative. My children (now young adults, both married) love their Pop Pop, and given the choice, I know he would not have wanted to miss a second of the time he has spent with them.

Pop Pop is our last living parent. The last months have been a challenge for him and for those who love him. When he goes, Randy and I will become the oldest generation of our family. It seems like a bad joke. How did that happen? It certainly does not feel right. I still feel, inside, the way I felt 30 years ago, young, full of hope, with my whole life ahead of me. And there is plenty of life left ahead (at least I hope so), and we plan to make every moment of it count. Yes, I have the rest of my life ahead of me…but it grows shorter, and there is still so much left to do. I feel compelled to go, go, go…because I know, in my heart, that I won’t always be able to.

We have arrived at this place in life, where we must let go of our youth and our childhoods as we let go of our parents. It is time for our children to enjoy their young adulthood, careers, travels, and eventually, their own children. I hope that Randy and I will be privileged enough to see our grandchildren grow up, and for that matter, to watch our children grow into their own lives in many ways.

Time rushes on, but I do know that when Pop Pop leaves us, we will be able to celebrate a life well, and fully, lived. What else could one ask for?