One of the most conflicting, saddest times in life has to be watching one’s parents age, become ill, and pass on. Midlife is usually when people begin to lose their parents. I lost my father young, when he was 59 and I was 25, but my mother lived to see her grandchildren grow up, and so did Randy’s parents. My spouse, Randy, lost his mother to a glioblastoma (malignant brain tumor) in 2007, and my mother succumbed to emphysema just two months before Randy had an unexpected double lung transplant in September 2013. Now, Randy’s father is becoming more and more frail, and it is heartbreaking to watch. And yet…
It hurts to see Pop Pop this way, but he has lived a full, long life. He had six grandchildren, and he has been at 3 of their weddings. He is a great-grandfather twice over. He went through the hell of watching his youngest son come close to death, but Randy survived and they have been closer than ever since that horrible time. He lost his beloved wife, but has been able to enjoy the last six years traveling the world with a woman friend. Pop Pop has lived his life the way he wanted to, and I do not believe that he left anything important undone.
What is important to understand in this situation is that it is a privilege to grow old. Not everyone gets to do it. My father missed so much…and I haven’t lived a day without thinking of him, wishing he was here. Growing old has its challenges and its sorrows, yes, but I think most people would prefer to face these issues than the alternative. My children (now young adults, both married) love their Pop Pop, and given the choice, I know he would not have wanted to miss a second of the time he has spent with them.
Pop Pop is our last living parent. The last months have been a challenge for him and for those who love him. When he goes, Randy and I will become the oldest generation of our family. It seems like a bad joke. How did that happen? It certainly does not feel right. I still feel, inside, the way I felt 30 years ago, young, full of hope, with my whole life ahead of me. And there is plenty of life left ahead (at least I hope so), and we plan to make every moment of it count. Yes, I have the rest of my life ahead of me…but it grows shorter, and there is still so much left to do. I feel compelled to go, go, go…because I know, in my heart, that I won’t always be able to.
We have arrived at this place in life, where we must let go of our youth and our childhoods as we let go of our parents. It is time for our children to enjoy their young adulthood, careers, travels, and eventually, their own children. I hope that Randy and I will be privileged enough to see our grandchildren grow up, and for that matter, to watch our children grow into their own lives in many ways.
Time rushes on, but I do know that when Pop Pop leaves us, we will be able to celebrate a life well, and fully, lived. What else could one ask for?
Pop pop is looking pretty dashing in that tux! I am glad that he could be there to share in the joy of the day.
We were too…he and my daughter have a special relationship.
I love the photos of Pop Pop, especially alone with your daughter at her wedding. How happy he must have been that day and what a wonderful life he’s had.. All good thoughts for all of you, Tam. Wonderful post.
Thank you, Cathy. It was a day of joy.
The cycle of life, right? Pop Pop looks like a cool guy and what a nice life! Your family seems wonderful, Tam!
Yes, the cycle of life. My kids adore him.
I’m at the exact same spot on the train of Life. I’m still processing the changing of the guard (so to speak). Some days I accept it and am at peace, and others… not so much. They must have gone through the same clash of feelings.
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Oh yes, I’m sure they did. I remember losing my grandparents…but of course, I thought my parents, especially my dad, could handle anything.
It is a blessing to have parents who enjoy a long and well-lived life. So glad Pop Pop has been around for so many special events in your lives.
It has been a blessing, no doubt.
What a touching tribute. You’ve made some wonderful memories–here’s to many more.
Beautiful blog…………..you are so right, it is an honor to be able to get old. My dad passed away at 58 years old. My Mom passed away in July of this year at the age of 95. It is wonderful that Pop Pop was able to celebrate your daughter’s wedding. These family pictures are gorgeous. Cherished memories to save forever.
Wonderful memories….there is a special something between my daughter and her Pop Pop…they just light up when they look at each other.
Your Pop Pop looks like he’s the brightest light of a loving, happy family! Fabulous photos and memories. A life well lived, it seems. Still… I can imagine the difficulty in seeing your loved one age. Hugs to you.
Thank you Lisa. He’s a sweetie.
What a beautiful tribute to a very special man. Love the photos! I feel so lucky to have both of my parents and to get to spend time with them every week.
Oh, how fortunate! You are lucky, indeed, Lois!
Your pop pop looks great in his tux! You are blessed to have him there. I always love your photos. Beautiful bride wow. Thanks for sharing and making me smile!
My little girl….so beautiful and the sweetest young woman you could meet. Those two have a special love.
You obviously love the man deeply, and I’m sure you’re not the only one. How very fortunate for all of you. Thank you for sharing such a heart felt post, Tam. Watching love is always a beautiful thing.
Yes it is….feeling love is never wrong, is it?
I wish for Pop Pop many more years in the blossom of his loving family. Beautiful pictures.
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Thank you, Estelle.
Tammy, I wasn’t going to read this article for I knew it would bring back wonderful memories and make me very, very sad. However, after reading it and giving myself a few days to cry, travel back into time and cry again. I’m ready now…By looking at all the wonderful replies on this article, I think you’ve hit a great sense of “woman community” here. It’s tough loosing our grandparents, parents and to know that we are the next to take flight! But I look at this way, I’m going to live each and everyday to the fullest, dance like no ones watching and never get caught doing something silly like toilet papering our neighbors yard. I will never act my age and I will continue to buy bubble gum in large quantities. As for Pop Pop, I hope someday I’ll have the chance for both of us to “dance like no ones watching”. Cheers to life!
Juetta
I’m glad you did comment! Yes, we are the next up, but there’s a whole lot of living to do yet! You and I have gone through losing our parents, and so many people are just now going through it. It is a tough thing to go through….but don’t think I will ever grow up or calm down! I want to go go go. I am right now in one of the most beautiful spots on the globe…Lake Tahoe, and enjoying every moment! Cheers to you and life! (I don’t mean to make you cry, twinnie!)