Randy Day 2 after Lung Transplant!

September 11 and 12

Well, the doctor ordered me home after Randy’s transplant surgery, so I went home, ate everything I could find, and went to bed.  I slept all night, and most of the next day, and all last night.  I had no idea how exhausted I was.  I was completely out of energy.  I think every single cell, every muscle, every sinew in my body was coiled as tightly as a spring….the spring is relaxing now….  Sleep has helped, really helped.

So here I am at the hospital.  Randy’s eyes actually see…they look alert, and I know he is more aware than he has been for almost two weeks.  I cannot believe it, it is truly a miracle.  The docs and nurses are all smiles….and so am I.  I can’t wait for the tube to be out.  That will be a huge step forward.  There is no way to tell how long he will be in ICU, in the hospital, or in rehab….I think Randy will get back on his feet much quicker than they expect, but we’ll see.

As Randy was back in the ICU after surgery, I saw my waiting room “mate”, Mary, and her daughters coming out of her husband’s room, crying.  He is gone.  He woke 4 days ago and spoke to them, on the 10^th, he slipped away.  He was 71, had a lung transplant last year, his kidneys failed, his heart was failing, and he’s been in the hospital for 5 months.  My heart goes out to Mary and her family….I hope their friends and family will succor them and give them strength.

Poor Randy was very frustrated today….awake, somewhat alert, still on the breathing tube although he is breathing room air and on his own.  He wanted to tell me something….he can barely lift his hands up off the bed (but made progress all day long), and he is lifting his legs.  We went through the alphabet, tried to let him write, but his dexterity is just not there yet.  Wes came in this afternoon and we continued trying to figure out what he wanted.  We are still unsure, but told him when he is off the tube tomorrow we’ll work on it again.   Hopefully that will be tomorrow.

It is amazing and miraculous to watch him breathe.  It seems so ….normal.  It was difficult to watch his muscles contract so much when he was breathing before the surgery…he was working so hard.  I still cannot get over this miracle:  Randy has new lungs.  I hope the donor and family realize our gratitude and how we bless them.

I am still exhausted.  I suppose I will be for a long while.  There has been stress the last few years for many reasons, but particularly this last year while Randy worsened, and my body is demanding rest.  Watching Randy this past year as his breathing became more labored, shallower…..was extremely traumatic for me because of how much it reminded me of my dad.  I lost my dad when I was 25 to Emphysema.  I spent my teen years and early twenties dreading the progression of his disease, nervous of his breathing, and his death was a devastating event in my life.  When Randy and I were in Denver, at National Jewish Health, and the doctor let us know that this was most likely a very serious lung disease, Randy apologized to me for doing to me what my dad did (as if either of them had a choice).  Yes, of course Randy’s increased breathing issues reminded me of my father, and filled me with dread and terror.  He apologized on his way to get ECMO by saying, “I’m sorry I’m doing what your dad did”…I told him NO, this is different.  And so it is.  Dread and terror have been replaced with hope and joy for Randy…and for our life together.  No one knows how long any of us have on this earth…but I can tell you that a miracle happened for us on September 10, thanks to collective prayer, love and positive thinking, and thanks to an amazing team at UT Southwestern.   Watching Randy on life support for 11 days, waiting and hoping and praying and meditating for lungs, was a hell I find difficult to describe.   I won’t even try.

Thank you to Jane, to Brad, and to Allison and Donna!  You have lifted my spirits, and I thank you for your generosity.

We are all filled with joy and hope now!  I’ll keep you updated…tomorrow will hopefully see the end of the breathing tube!