The Chicago Art Museum is full of treasures….these are just a few of my favorites!
Family Relations
Midlife brings its share of excitement, sorrow, and puzzlement, regardless of the season. My husband’s family relations have puzzled me long before now, but during the holidays, it seems to surface more often.
My husband’s family went into business together long ago (I know, first mistake, right?) and tempers flared. It did not have a happy ending as far as family relationships go. I have always been sorry for my children, and my nieces and nephews, that they didn’t grow up together and form lifelong relationships. Long story short, one of my sisters-in-law decided to break relations with her husband’s brothers, and their entire families. I fought it for many years…and while the kids were young we did have some little contact, but as the years went by, we were absolutely frozen out. Persona non grata. I have never understood people who cut off family members (unless they were convicted of an ax murder or something). My family is not perfect, but I have stayed as close as a sister to one of my cousins, and reconnected with another. My brother and I are close. It is so important, to have those bonds of love and affection, to have a sense of belonging. We live in different parts of the country, but that does not lessen the ties that bind us together.
I held out hope for a very long time that the attitude of my husband’s family would soften, at least between the cousins, but I have come to realize that there will be no change. Even though the kids are all adults now, and should act like adults, there is no sign of melting ice. Actually, the final straw for me occurred last week. My father in law is frail, and in his late 80s now. One of his granddaughters was in from out of town, and he wanted to get his 3 granddaughters together for an evening with him. They all said yes…but at the last minute, he received a phone call from one, cancelling the evening. The other two cousins went, and both said Grandpa’s heart was broken, and he cried on and off all night because the 3rd granddaughter would not join them. It broke their hearts to see him like that, and it breaks mine to hear about it.
My family always makes fun of me for saying this, but I am serious: why can’t people just be nice? What is the use of hanging onto anger and feuds that have nothing to do with the present, and had nothing to do with the children in the family? I understand being hurt. I just don’t understand perpetuating hurt until it becomes intractable anger and bitterness. I believe we have all lost, but especially the children. They are now adults, and don’t even know one another.
Although I will never understand it, I finally accept it. Last year my husband had a life threatening health catastrophe and we came very close to losing him. My children and I received not one phone call, not even an email, to express concern, or to offer help. I suppose that says it all.
I try to live my life with optimism and hope. Ghandi said, “The weak cannot forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” I forgave long ago, but what I finally understand is that there are some individuals who are just not capable of love or forgiveness, and those people bring toxicity to our lives. It is best to wish them well, and let them go out of our lives.
I know this is not an unheard of issue between family members. The holidays can often be tense when families gather. What about others out there? Do you have family members who have cut you out of their lives? Or that you don’t speak to? How do you handle it?
Fab Photos Friday: the Art of Chicago Part 1
I love Chicago. If you have been there, you know what I mean! Yes, it is too cold to live there (at least for me!), but I’ll take many more visits! I went to the Art Institute, and saw Marc Chagall’s White Crucifixion in person. I absolutely love Chagall’s work, and am fortunate to have some of his Lithographs. Seeing this work in person, up close, was incredibly moving, and exciting, and I could hardly drag myself away. Chicago’s Art Institute is a marvel, but the city, by itself, is art as well.
Next week, more art!
Chicago is my kind of town!
As a native midwesterner, I have to say I LOVE Chicago. What a great city! Fabulous night life, restaurants, art, theater, parks, lake…and so on and so forth. Chicago is a bit different from the other large, popular US cities like New York, Boston, San Francisco….because it is down to earth, and accessible. One doesn’t feel that one cannot drive downtown, one doesn’t fear snobbery (not much, anyway), and anyone on the street will be happy to help. Chicago is the midwestern version of “the big city”. As a midwestern girl (as the Beach Boys would sing) I appreciate frankness with no airs.
My husband and I had a dual purpose in visiting Chicago last week. One of our friends had a daughter getting married at the Westin River North (lovely view of the river!) and Randy had his 40 year high school reunion in La Grange, where he grew up. As a bonus, my hairdresser, Eric, whom I have known since 1990, just moved to Chicago and it was lovely to have dinner and then lunch with him. Eric knows his way around Chicago, and took us to the most wonderful restaurants I’ve ever been to in Chicago. First, he took Randy and I and another (reunion) couple to an Italian eatery called Topo Gigios. Randy and his lifelong friend Murph have been eating and drinking in Chicago for many years, but Murph has decided that Topo Gigios is his new favorite Chicago restaurant. That means it is really good! Strange name, I thought, until my Baby Boomer friends (older baby boomers, I’m on the tail end) informed me that Topo Gigio is a cartoon character who was often on the Ed Sullivan Show. I’ve seen reruns of Ed, but I have no memory of the real show back in the 50’s or 60’s. Well, the mouse character is in the restaurant, and as long as he can cook fine Italian cuisine, I love him!
The next delicious venue was Siena Tavern. Siena Tavern is a contemporary establishment, with modern decor and reservation only seating, even at lunch! Eric and I had lunch at the bar, which was actually fun as we kidded around with the bartenders. The menu changes with the seasons….Eric had Italian ribbon noodles while I enjoyed Mozzarella and walnuts, covered with honey. Sigh. Siena Tavern is having Truffle Tasting through October 12….email [email protected]. Very tasty!
The wedding was fabulous, and most of us danced all night. Well, I danced a few times, but many others truly danced the whole time. Randy and I hung out with the Lyons Township High School reunion crowd, and had a great time. The next night was the reunion, and visiting the places of Randy’s childhood. The 40th reunion was quite emotional as Randy was very lucky to be there at all. One year ago, Randy had a double lung transplant and came very close to death. It made the reunion all the more sweeter for us all. (you can read about that journey HERE). I was unable to visit my students in Chicago….next trip!
Well, I will be off on a nostalgic trip of my own soon, as my cousin’s daughter is getting married on October 25 in Kentucky. I’m going to drive up early, stop at the Clinton Presidential Library, check out Hendrix College (did you know I am a college counselor in private practice? Well, I am!), look at Indiana U in Bloomington, and spend time in Ohio with my “sister” (long story…our parents were best friends and we were raised in each other’s pockets…but she is older and she and my older brother tortured me. Which explains a lot about me, actually!
So safe journeys to you, and I will be checking in along the way!