Traveling alone is not a new experience for me. I have ventured far out of my comfort zone by doing citizen science in Africa, Ecuador, St. Lucia and Mexico. In the next year I will travel to Australia and Indonesia to do a citizen science trip with Dr Andrea Marshall, Director of the Marine Megafauna Foundation. These trips have been incredible experiences of growth for me, as well as the addition of friends from all over the world who are as passionate as I am about conservation, particularly in the ocean.
Why do I travel alone? I seek experience and knowledge. Volunteering in Mozambique was eye opening in many ways. Could I travel all the way to Africa by myself? Yes. Could I perform the necessary tasks to do my volunteer job? After a shaky start, the answer became Yes. Could I witness the culture and learn from it? At times it was extremely difficult, but yes, I learned a lot about the people of Mozambique, and Ecuador, and Mexico. I learned, most importantly, that I was capable and could thrive, and survive, on my own. I also learned about my own culture, and looked for ways to make it better by contributing my experience and knowledge of the world, and encouraging others to step out as well. I know many women who are afraid to travel on their own, but it is very empowering.
I also travel alone because of my husband’s health. Two years ago, Randy had a double lung transplant, a sudden and inexplicable journey that was taken with the support of our family and friends. Randy is now doing well, but traveling can be problematic for a person who takes anti-rejection medications and immune system suppressants. We have taken trips together, but he has become ill on many of them, from flying, or being in crowds. My citizen science is usually ocean based, and involves scuba diving. Randy is not diving at the moment, and we are unsure if he will ever dive again. One thing is sure: he cannot travel unless he is reasonably close to a major medical center with a transplant team. The developing nations are not safe locations for him.
Lake Tahoe is becoming a favorite destination for Randy and I, and I had the opportunity to enjoy Lake Tahoe in the snow. Randy made the decision not to go because I would be staying, and playing, in a casino. Talk about a germ fest! I understood his reasoning, and went alone. I never mind being by myself in a casino, or staying in a hotel alone. However, I wanted to go boating to see Emerald Bay and I decided to go snowmobiling. I signed up for the tours.
It was as though I was invisible. When I caught people looking at me, I saw questions in their minds. Why was I alone? No one interacted with me except a couple staying at my hotel, and I am the one who initiated that conversation, which was short. I had the feeling people were afraid of what I might tell them because it would make them uncomfortable. Widowed? Divorced? Friendless? Believe me, they did not want to know my story, whatever it was. Couples interacted, families interacted, but they did not want to interact with me. I felt a little unnerved by the silence and the quick glances, and a little lonely as well. It surprised me that a midlife woman traveling alone should be almost shunned.
I enjoyed my trip, and loved the experiences I had. Lake Tahoe in the snow is a winter wonderland! However, I find myself curious as to why a midlife woman in these situations should find herself ignored. I wonder if men who travel alone also feel like they have on an invisibility cloak?
What do you think? Ever had this experience?
So interesting. First off, I am so proud of any woman who travels by themselves. It takes a considerable amount of courage, independence, intelligence, sense of adventure, …..I could go on. Tam, your amazing travels are the “road less traveled” by most, but I do believe that we will see this start to change each year. I do think we will see more and more women traveling by themselves if needed. Sometimes our life situations don’t enable us to travel in a group. It’s sad to think that folks are uncomfortable with starting up conversations with women traveling alone, but I do think that will change in time when more women do it. I always think of Amelia Earhart when it comes to independent women. Nice group to be a part of. Carry on Tam !!!!
Well, if you are going to compare me to Amelia Earhart, I shall soldier on! I never intended to stop traveling anyway. In two weeks I will be diving in the Revillagigadoes Islands, hopefully with humpback whales, sharks, dolphins and mantas! Solo, of course!
I travel alone alot mostly for business. I added a couple of days onto a trip to Newfoundland a couple of years ago to do some sightseeing on my own. And now, thinking back on that trip I experienced pretty much the same thing. I didn’t give it much thought since I was enjoying the scenery and taking lots of photos. In one historic area I was very close to a tour group as I walked along. The tour guide was the only person who attempted to speak to me (and that is pretty much his job). The rest of the time I was the one who would initiate conversation. It is an interesting observation.
And yes, I am typing this from my hotel room on yet another solo trip. 🙂
Yes…it is the first time I really noticed it. Most of my trips I am heading to new people, new experiences, so I don’t feel alone. It was strange to feel….unnoticed, or avoided, really.
How interesting. People are strange, aren’t they? I can’t imagine not talking to a solo woman. Kudos to you, Tam, for taking your adventures.
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It was very strange!
Traveling alone is empowering. Maybe not interacting with you was more about their insecurities? After all, you are a powerful personality. I would have run right up to you!
Cheryl Nicholl recently posted…Changing Seasons: Let’s Get Naked.
I am? Hm.
I’m glad you would have run my way!
Tam: I’m sorry that people were so aloof. I didn’t marry until 34, and I did a lot of traveling by myself. I don’t remember people ignoring me — but I don’t remember them connecting either!
I think when you hit midlife people begin to wonder if you’ve been widowed or divorced…they certainly don’t want to ask.
I love your blog. You do the things I dream about. I did make it to Kenya and would love to go back to South Africa. Thanks for sharing!
South Africa is beautiful…the animals in Kruger are incredible, especially in the private reserves! Thank you for reading!!!
I’d like an elite physique! And thank you! I hope you make it back to South Africa!
Love the pics! In the past, I have traveled alone for work many times. I never experienced what you are describing but maybe that’s because aside from the getting from here to there, I wasn’t really alone most of the time. I can see how can happen though. Yes, I agree most folks don’t want to hear a person’s story or even care.
yes, especially if it has the potential to be SAD.
That’s interesting. I only travel alone for conferences but I remember people being friendly. Maybe it was something in the water:)
I think it is the desire not to hear anything upsetting….
I find it nice to feel “invisible” because I can always reach out if so inclined…it’s great that you don’t let Randy’s limitations become your own.
That is a discussion we had very early on after his double lung transplant….he did not want his limitations to stop me from doing what I love, and though I’m sorry he cannot join me on some trips, a lot of them he wouldn’t want to go on anyway. I miss him though….it is a conflicting feeling at times.
Wow, what an observation! I know we midlife women can begin to feel (or at least be perceived as) invisible in some social situations, but I can’t imagine not reaching out to someone traveling on her own. And I tend to agree with what another poster said about this being a reflection of the other folks’ own insecurities. I also echo what others have said in praise of your determination to continue having adventures, and your husband’s encouraging you to do so. You go, girl.
Thanks Roxanne! It was definitely strange! Randy’s pretty awesome, and I love to go!
Travel alone outside the US! People will love you and your journey/story 🙂
Heading to the Revillagigadoes Islands (30 hours south of Cabo San Lucas by boat) next Saturday for an incredible 11 day dive trip! I love going and doing and helping!
What a fabulous experience you have Tam travelling all over the world. I live in Brisbane, Australia so I was interested to are coming to our part of the world. I think it is sad that some people look at a solo traveller (especially a woman in midlife ) and not start up a conversation. I talk to everyone when I travel – that is a way of learning. Some women don’t have the courage to travel alone but you are showing them how to do it! I’m going to be following your travels. Enjoy! Stopping by from Midlife Bloggers Assoc FB group.
Lovely! Thank you for stopping by. I agree. Women just don’t realize how empowering these travels can be! I will be in Sydney and in Cairns!
I stumbled across this article while reading thru your blog as recommended by Journeywoman. I have traveled extensively since my divorce 8 years ago, most recently to Eastern Europe. I distinctly recall feeling this way on one day trip I took. It was as though people were afraid to talk to me. I didn’t let it bother me and enjoyed the tour immensely but it was odd. Yet on another walking tour I did I happened to be with 5 Australians who knew each other and they were very personable and talked to me the whole time.
Looking back, one of my first trips post divorce was to Barbados where a British woman asked me what my father thought of me traveling alone – I was in my late thirties!
After the divorce you must have looked radiant! Eastern Europe! I haven’t been there yet, but would love to see Prague and Budapest. Where did you go?
Yes, it was the first time I really thought about it, usually it doesn’t occur to me, but that particular trip was rather strange. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you will be a frequent visitor!