featured Archives | TRAVELS WITH TAM

Randy’s Swan Dive

September 21, 2013 By Tam Warner Leave a Comment

On Friday I spent several hours with Randy. He is doing absolutely great, but he is very frustrated with his lack of progress. He cannot understand why he is so weak, I think it is very difficult for him to understand the length of time he has been in bed. I’ve never seen his arms and legs so thin.

Randy has worked out daily for most of our marriage, lifting weights or walking or even running when he was younger. I’ve never seen him without heavily muscled arms and legs….until now. He will get it all back, I have absolutely no doubt of that, but right now, he is going to have to work very hard to get strong again.

Random thought: Have you ever tried to watch a movie in the ICU? Impossible. I told him we could try again when he gets to the rehab center.

I received a call from his nurse, Melissa, this morning, and she told me of his grand adventure during the early morning hours. He got it into his head that he just needed to show the nurses and doctors that he could walk on his own, then they wouldn’t have all of these rules. There are not usually patients walking around in ICU, but for some reason, he thought he could do it. I may be wrong, but I think he had a sleeping pill so he would get a good night of sleep. So, he decided to get out of bed and walk. Well, he fell out of the bed, which apparently brought his nurse pretty quickly because there is an alarm on his bed, in case he would fall out. I can only imagine his chagrin, lying on the floor next to his hospital bed, with his IVs, new lungs, and his bruised ego.

Actually, he told the nurse he didn’t really fall, he was just practicing his Swan Dive. He apparently apologized profusely, and has joked around with everyone all day about his Swan Dive. He also admitted to Courtney, his night nurse, that it had been a pretty stupid move.

A call came around 7p, shift change, and Melissa told me that after a day of being uncomfortable, he finally told her that his back hurt, and he was afraid he may have injured it. Off to xray! Courtney (on nights) called to let me know that there was no new injury to his back…it showed degenerative disc issues. Whew. Hopefully he just pulled a muscle and will be feeling better tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I have decided to return to my yoga practice. Why is it that people forget taking care of self when a loved one is in trouble? At least I do. There were many times I could have gone while mom was sick, or since Randy has been ill, but I’ve had either a compulsion to be at the hospital with him, or a compulsion for the Lung Transplant team to see me every hour so they would not forget that Randy needed lungs. I’m also readying the house, trying to get bills paid, and of course, work with my high school seniors on their college essays and applications. I’m trying to excuse myself, but there really is no excuse. So tomorrow morning, yoga!

Let’s just hope Randy doesn’t try to do the Swan Dive tonight!

Pancakes…or a Milkshake?

September 21, 2013 By Tam Warner Leave a Comment

Or perhaps a coffee with donuts? These food items seem to be Randy’s major concern in the last couple of days. I cannot count the number of times he has asked for a chocolate milkshake. Yesterday, and the evening before, all I heard about was his cell phone, he wanted his cell phone and computer. Well….my concern was twofold: one, he lacked the dexterity to use the phone, and two, I didn’t want him calling people during various drug induced states… as he called his children and dad in the early morning hours today. At 4 a.m. my son Wes received a call….requesting pancakes. At 530 a.m. my daughter received a call, requesting pancakes. Randy’s dad called me before 8 a.m., Randy had called him and requested pancakes with bacon and coffee. And no, none of us fulfilled his requests. He is still on cortisone, which escalates blood sugar, and he is taking insulin for that. They are watching his sugar intake carefully. When he really gets disgusted, he tells me “there are too many “effing” rules around here.”

When I was on the way to the hospital I received a couple of calls requesting a chocolate milkshake. I explained once again that I could not bring him a chocolate milkshake because it was not good for his sugar. We hung up; he called back and wanted to know exactly what the big deal was about bringing him a milkshake. I told him to talk to his nurse, Melissa, about his dietary orders, and then I called her. She told him he could not have it, so he finally gave up. He was given a bronchoscopy this morning, so he was sedated, and missed breakfast. It has to be said, he is one hungry boy! I’ve never gone over two weeks without food, and I’m sure I’d be hungry too. The nurse on duty tonight said she would retire the phone from 11 p.m. until 6 a.m. So we are safe (and so is everyone on his contact list!).

Happy family after an awesome dive trip! — Happy family, especially now!

So, a little humor on the journey. Believe me, we can all use the comic relief! Since August 30, we have not had much to laugh about, much to fear, and even more, surprisingly, to be thankful for. The bronchoscopy showed beautiful, clear lungs, and he looks great….aside from being so weak from laying in bed for weeks, his recovery is incredible. He is also amazed and thankful for his friends and family who have been praying, visiting, and thinking about him. Randy asked me today why he would deserve all the wonderful friends he has. Well, as I always say, everyone loves Randy. Seriously, how lucky could we be? To be able to sit with him, talk with him, and have his friends calling and visiting…to have everyone who is reading this blog and sending us positive thoughts and prayers on Facebook….2 weeks ago we were all terrified that we were going to lose him, and we cannot be grateful enough that he is with us. There is a long road ahead….and so much to learn…but with so many behind his healing, how can he go wrong? I know we will get through the ups and downs of healing.

It is so nice to introduce him to the nurses who cared for him while he was on ECMO and the ventilator. They were not only expert at their job, they were encouraging and sympathetic to me, and to my children. I told Randy that these people sustained our hope, and kept him alive. Today, Dr Kaza returned to the hospital from her vacation…she had spent the month prior to ECMO working with Randy, and looking at organs. She has been particularly gentle and hopeful, and it was wonderful to see her smiling face as she peeked in on Randy today. So pleased, she was smiling like she had won the lottery. It is US who have won the lottery, and we are thankful to the Lung Transplant Team at UT Southwestern.

Randy is (mostly) Baaack!!!

September 17, 2013 By Tam Warner 17 Comments

61771_1624946907599_3093264_n — Our family in Arizona, 95 or 96

Last night and today have seen extraordinary Randy events! His tube came out yesterday around lunch time, and when I returned last night, he had enough of a whisper that I could mostly understand him. The first thing he wanted to know is what I was going to do for dinner (in our house, where neither of us cook much, we always ask each what we are doing for dinner, in case it’s something we both might want). He said, “no more wasabi. no sushi”. I said, that is correct, and no more rare meat. To that, he said “that blows.” Then he wanted to know if I wanted Mexican or Indian food (Randy hates Indian food). I told him we could not go out to eat. This poor guy is starving. Just think, no solid food for 2 and a half weeks. Before he can eat though, he has to pass a “swallow” test. As far as food goes, since Randy will be on immuno-suppressants for the rest of his life, he has to avoid as much bacteria as possible…and raw fish or meat has plenty of it. His foods will have to be cooked fully, and even fruits and vegetables have to be washed with anti bacterial stuff. Looks like I’ll be learning to do some cooking.

He was even better this morning. The whisper has some sound to it now. He asks questions about what has happened….it must be incredible to wake up with new lungs and 2 weeks of your life lost due to all of the brain fogging drugs he has been on. He did tell me he has seen some weird stuff this last month. For instance, a “Catholic bachelor” had been around….I finally figured that one out, I said, “a priest?”. Yes. Randy was in a metal enclosure. He saw where we were buried, together with the priest. I said, were you afraid you were dying? He said yes. Apparently if he was going to be buried he was taking me with him! And of course we talk about his illness, the miracle of new lungs, how much we missed each other, and other “love stuff”. His eyes look so teal…darker than usual, and he has a very sweet, concentrated look as he figures things out.

He is hungry, he wants a milkshake or coffee and donuts. Still can’t have them, that makes him sad. It’s so hard to talk much without nurses, PTs, respiratory therapists, doctors coming in and out. Everyone says his recovery is phenomenal. His lungs are doing great….he is on no oxygen, and his oxygen SAT is around 94. That will just keep getting better. Two chest tubes came out today. They plan to move him out of ICU in a day or two…and then he will go to Zale Lipshy University Hospital for rehabilitation for a month, though I don’t think it will take a month. Once Randy is up and going, he will be unstoppable. He is already moving so much better…he’ll be ready to feed himself tomorrow, I’m betting. When I left, he requested that Ally bring his dop kit and backpack to him….I said, you cannot have that stuff here in the ICU in isolation…plus, you don’t have enough strength to shave or brush your own teeth yet. Like I said, I’m betting he will be doing that tomorrow.

I also heard from the Lung Transplant coordinator who will be handling our education….I have already started to prepare the house, I have done the big things: cleaned and sanitized ducts and vents, checked for mold or any other irritant in the house or crawl space, taken out all carpet and replaced it with hardwood floors, gotten rid of all chemicals in the garage, and put all of Wes and Carisa’s stuff, and my mother’s belongings, in storage. Still….lots to do to make our home Zen. There is also pharmacy class…to learn all about the zillions of drugs he will be on….and food class.

I am so overjoyed to have him awake and able to communicate. It has been one week since his transplant. I told him he had a second chance, that we had a second chance at life, that it is truly miraculous. And it is.

Another miracle happened on September 17th, 1990, the birth of my most wonderful son, Wes. Happy birthday baby! We are going out to dinner tomorrow night. So….we have blessings everywhere this glorious September!

Post Transplant is not easy

September 15, 2013 By Tam Warner 4 Comments

We are 5 days past Randy’s double lung transplant, and we are so grateful for his life. It just doesn’t seem like reality, it is so hard to process everything we have gone through. When he is awake it is difficult to know what he understands, and more difficult to understand what he wants. He tries to communicate, but with the tube of the ventilator still in place, he cannot speak, and he becomes very frustrated. My son and daughter have been somewhat taken aback by his attitude….but have begun to communicate with him as best they can. I am still filled with the joy of having Randy alive and getting well, but I confess, he has been a bit on the difficult side. As I said, Wes calls him “tube dad” as opposed to the real dad.

Ally and her Da at Wesley's graduation in March 2013 — Ally and her Da at Wesley’s graduation in March 2013

My daughter is very sensitive, and I don’t think she realized that when he woke up after receiving his lungs, that he would be so ill. I tell her we must think about what it might feel like for him: he was unconscious for almost 2 weeks, unmoving, on many different pain killers and anesthetics, to wake up with so much pain, and to be so weak that he could barely lift his fingers. He sometimes seems to be able to communicate what he wants, of course, business is the first thing he thought about and he was able to communicate what he wanted to Wes. Business! Ugh! This is the man who, while I was in labor with Alexandra, who ‘shushed’ me because he was on a business call in the labor room! Some things never change. A dear friend, Lauri, who is a speech pathologist, pointed out to me tonight that he thinks he is speaking….he opens his mouth and thinks he is talking, and so he is frustrated that we cannot understand him. I really believe the tube will come out tomorrow. He has been exercising his lungs by breathing on his own (initiating the breaths on the vent), and the doctor says he has done well today. We will all be happy to have that tube out and see him begin his physical therapy. He may also need some speech therapy.

I took the day off today, Rex was up there, and Ally spent an emotional afternoon with him…he was in pain, and she was very upset that she didn’t feel she could help him. I told her not to go for a couple of days. He is in the best care possible at UT Southwestern’s cardio-pulmonary ICU, they can actually do more for him than any of us can.

I need to make an appointment with the transplant coordinator and learn everything I should be doing to prepare the house for him…I’ve put in all hardwood floors and removed some of our oriental rugs, sanitized the vents, and had the house checked for mold or any other allergen. Dust is the enemy, and I have had our dogs trimmed down…instead of Goldens, they look like blonde labs. I have 3 air purifiers, but I plan to buy more. Ally has moved out and taken her cats (Randy cannot have cats in the house), Wes and Carisa are looking for a place in Austin and so their dog and cat will be out of the house by the time Ran gets home. Our house will head in the direction of Zen….as little as possible out that could get dusty. It will be quite a job. I also need to get back to my work schedule, which I’ve made on Wednesdays and Thursdays, so I can get my seniors finished up. I will not be taking any more students, at least for the next year or so. I also cancelled my trip to Komodo in January…I was going to do a 2 week dive/research trip with the Marine Megafauna Foundation, but Komodo is so remote….I need to stay a bit closer at hand. It was tough to cancel, though, it was a trip of a lifetime…but I know there will be another opportunity.

Tomorrow, I am supposed to be in court for the probate of my mother’s will….then I will go to the hospital and see if Ran can communicate better without the tube. I’m sure it is very confusing.

Randy Day 2 after Lung Transplant!

September 12, 2013 By Tam Warner 2 Comments

September 11 and 12

Well, the doctor ordered me home after Randy’s transplant surgery, so I went home, ate everything I could find, and went to bed. I slept all night, and most of the next day, and all last night. I had no idea how exhausted I was. I was completely out of energy. I think every single cell, every muscle, every sinew in my body was coiled as tightly as a spring….the spring is relaxing now…. Sleep has helped, really helped.

So here I am at the hospital. Randy’s eyes actually see…they look alert, and I know he is more aware than he has been for almost two weeks. I cannot believe it, it is truly a miracle. The docs and nurses are all smiles….and so am I. I can’t wait for the tube to be out. That will be a huge step forward. There is no way to tell how long he will be in ICU, in the hospital, or in rehab….I think Randy will get back on his feet much quicker than they expect, but we’ll see.

As Randy was back in the ICU after surgery, I saw my waiting room “mate”, Mary, and her daughters coming out of her husband’s room, crying. He is gone. He woke 4 days ago and spoke to them, on the 10^th, he slipped away. He was 71, had a lung transplant last year, his kidneys failed, his heart was failing, and he’s been in the hospital for 5 months. My heart goes out to Mary and her family….I hope their friends and family will succor them and give them strength.

Poor Randy was very frustrated today….awake, somewhat alert, still on the breathing tube although he is breathing room air and on his own. He wanted to tell me something….he can barely lift his hands up off the bed (but made progress all day long), and he is lifting his legs. We went through the alphabet, tried to let him write, but his dexterity is just not there yet. Wes came in this afternoon and we continued trying to figure out what he wanted. We are still unsure, but told him when he is off the tube tomorrow we’ll work on it again. Hopefully that will be tomorrow.

It is amazing and miraculous to watch him breathe. It seems so ….normal. It was difficult to watch his muscles contract so much when he was breathing before the surgery…he was working so hard. I still cannot get over this miracle: Randy has new lungs. I hope the donor and family realize our gratitude and how we bless them.

I am still exhausted. I suppose I will be for a long while. There has been stress the last few years for many reasons, but particularly this last year while Randy worsened, and my body is demanding rest. Watching Randy this past year as his breathing became more labored, shallower…..was extremely traumatic for me because of how much it reminded me of my dad. I lost my dad when I was 25 to Emphysema. I spent my teen years and early twenties dreading the progression of his disease, nervous of his breathing, and his death was a devastating event in my life. When Randy and I were in Denver, at National Jewish Health, and the doctor let us know that this was most likely a very serious lung disease, Randy apologized to me for doing to me what my dad did (as if either of them had a choice). Yes, of course Randy’s increased breathing issues reminded me of my father, and filled me with dread and terror. He apologized on his way to get ECMO by saying, “I’m sorry I’m doing what your dad did”…I told him NO, this is different. And so it is. Dread and terror have been replaced with hope and joy for Randy…and for our life together. No one knows how long any of us have on this earth…but I can tell you that a miracle happened for us on September 10, thanks to collective prayer, love and positive thinking, and thanks to an amazing team at UT Southwestern. Watching Randy on life support for 11 days, waiting and hoping and praying and meditating for lungs, was a hell I find difficult to describe. I won’t even try.

Thank you to Jane, to Brad, and to Allison and Donna! You have lifted my spirits, and I thank you for your generosity.

We are all filled with joy and hope now! I’ll keep you updated…tomorrow will hopefully see the end of the breathing tube!

An “In Transit” Adventure in Nairobi!

September 11, 2013 By Tam Warner 1 Comment

This happened on June 7, 2012 after my first citizen science adventure with ALL OUT AFRICA in Tofo, Mozambique! My husband joined me in Tofo), (we love Africa!) then …..

after a nice few days together in Tofo, it was time to move on to new adventures and safaris in Tanzania (*Tan Zain ya). We left Inhambane (In Hahm Bahn ay) for Johannesburg, then the next morning we boarded a Kenya Airways flight for Kiliminjaro with a connection in Nairobi. Kenya Airways was quite nice, it is on the approved European list of African airlines. We landed in Nairobi and headed for the connecting gate to Kiliminjaro, where I quickly learned my passport was missing. I am always very paranoid about making sure I have my passport, so Randy and I were both in shock. And so the saga began…. [Read more…] about An “In Transit” Adventure in Nairobi!

featured

Subscribe to Blog via Email