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Putting on Big Boy Pants

November 6, 2013 By Tam Warner 5 Comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKVYcPJbyAM Will Farrell (combination of Tam and Wes) and Mark Wahlberg (Randy) in “The Other Guys”.

Watch the clip. Yep. Watch it again. It is one week today since Randy came home from the hospital, after 3 months in ICU, on life support, getting a lung transplant, and rehabbing at Zale Lipshy. I blogged about how excited we all were to see him at home…I’ve also blogged about the difficulty he is having with food (no added salt, no added sugar, etc). What I haven’t done is really “out” him about what a pain in the ass he has been about food, about his meds, his schedule, etc. Watch the video again, and now, imagine Mark Wahlberg (Randy) is throwing Velveeta Cheese into the trash can. That actually happened…in our kitchen, not the movie.

Randy with Greg, Tam, Mark, Wes and Cooper. — Randy with Greg, Tam, Mark, Wes and Cooper (who looks like he is going to stab someone.)

Now, let me say this: Randy had a VERY different experience from the rest of us. WE watched him for 12 days, unmoving, unconscious, on life support (ECMO and a ventilator). Ally and Wes were absolutely certain he would die and they would never see him again. I just kept hoping for lungs and making sure every member of the Transplant team knew he was a worthy candidate for lungs. For us, his homecoming is like Christmas! On the other end of the spectrum is Randy, who wakes up, cannot move, cannot speak, is tied down to the bed with tubes everywhere, and has had some pretty wild “dreams” or “near death experiences” or “hallucinations”, take your pick. I think we can all somewhat imagine the shock he would be in. Plus, Randy is just not a good patient, and he does not want to be told what to do, and no matter how many times he hears about the importance of food and nutrition and following the guidelines, he wants to eat what he wants to eat and drink what he wants to drink. As one of our “second sons” (Cooper) said after visiting him: “Randy is crazy…he is negotiating with everyone. Dr wants to give him this, well okay, but Randy wants something else first. Oh and the waitresses up there, I mean nurses…” (meaning of course, that Randy is treating the nurses like they are waitresses). “…the nurses say he is super nice, but I think nursing makes you super jaded so Randy’s dickishness seems a lot easier to them than it does to us”. Ha! Well said, Cooper. After what WE went through, we think he should be singing the Hallelujah Chorus just to be alive, but as I said, Randy’s perspective is somewhat different. And yet he knows how fortunate he is, and it tears him up to think about what we went through.

So, Wesley drove up from Austin last Wednesday because I could not physically handle Randy’s needs (his muscles after 3 months have atrophied and he cannot walk without a walker and often uses a wheelchair). I just want to say that my son has been a PRINCE this week. We have been a bit upset about Randy’s attitude toward his recovery, but when I took Randy to “clinic” on Monday we had a good discussion about how he has been acting, and how it has upset and angered and even hurt the kids and me, and he said, “you know, I think it is time to put on my big boy pants.”

Yes. It is time. (But, of course, we got into it this afternoon because he wanted a coke.) It will just take time, and he does get better every single day. He just needs to be happy and optimistic every day…it is easier than being pissed off and frustrated. At least I think it is, and I know it is easier on everyone around him when he is cheerful!

So. Week one down, and the start of week two begins! Bring it on.

Home at Last!

November 2, 2013 By Tam Warner 2 Comments

On October 30th Randy was finally discharged and came home! After 3 months, 3 very long, often traumatic, and dramatic months, it is incredible to see him back in his own home. However, there were a few bumps on the way, mainly to do with me. I thought that he would come home only when he could walk. My interpretation of “walking” is very different from Zale Lipshy’s idea of “walking”. Randy can use a walker and go about 20 feet, but the issue is getting up and down. He has a belt around his waist to assist with “standing up”, and there is getting in and out of the car…and into bed, and lifting the wheelchair, and by 4p on October 30th I had to call Wesley, our son who now lives in Austin, to come to Dallas and help. My back has been in bad shape for several reasons, but adding the assistance Randy needs will push my spine over the edge. We do not want that…it will do no one any good for me to end up down on my back. So Wes has been here, and I cannot begin to tell you how much it means to us to have him here, caring for his daddy. He has been a trooper, cool, calm, and collected. And compassionate, my boy has always been a sweetheart, and he still is.

Randy arrived home on Wednesday, and the next morning we got up early and went to St Paul’s University Hospital at UT for a chest xray, bloodwork, and “clinic”. Clinic orders the tests they want to see, and involves checking in with the doctor and his lung transplant coordinator. We were there for quite a while, but it was his first visit. Dr. Kaza, who has been with us since day one at UT Southwestern, was in Clinic on Thursday. It was so wonderful to see her…she was the one I always looked at to see how things were going. She said to me, “It is good to see you here. We had a few tough conversations, didn’t we?”. Oh, yes, we did. Dr. Vaidehi Kaza has to be one of the kindest, most compassionate doctors I have ever known. She truly glows with an inner light, and has a very healing presence. I will never be able to express my gratitude to her, and to the entire Transplant Team at UT.

Breathing treatments at home were ordered, a liver sonogram, and a CT scan has been ordered for Monday. Having a Lung Transplant, and being so ill for so long, becomes a full time job. His dose of steroid is being lowered which should help with his facial swelling and appetite. For Randy it has been frustrating in many ways, but the one issue he has the most trouble with is food. Randy’s motto was always, “can’t be too rich, can’t be too skinny, can’t have too much sour cream, you can never have enough cheese”. I’m trying to take it a little easy on him by doing bread with only 3g of fiber instead of 5g, but even that drives him crazy. He wants soft white bread. And Mr. Everything-needs-more-Salt is having a problem with not salting everything. He wants cheese. Fine, but you can’t have too much, so you can’t have 4 slices of cheese on a grilled cheese sandwich. That pissed him off. We ended up compromising with tuna salad and tomato soup. Tonight I have slow cooked a Cajun pork stew. He’s eating right now…I’m sure there is something he will find wrong with it. My theory is that since he is so hungry, he will acclimate quickly, and hopefully we won’t have this as a running battle.

I am tired. Even with Wes here, I am tired. All day we have blood pressure checks, temp checks, insulin shots, sugar sticks, pills….he is on a boatload of pills. Anti rejection, anti viral, blood pressure, antibiotic, breathing treatments, and everything must be meticulously logged. The log book goes into Clinic weekly. Randy has Clinic and Pulmonary Therapy most of the day Monday. Wes is going to take him and give me a breather. I am hoping to get into a routine soon, and Randy is getting stronger every day. When he can get up and down without help, Wes will be able to head back to his job hunting in Austin, and I’m sure Carisa will be happy to have him back. I will try to go to yoga tomorrow….I really need it.

The kids were nervous about pain I am having, it’s muscle spasms from sitting in hospital rooms and moving things around, and not getting massages or yoga like I need to. Anyway, I went to the doctor this morning to make them relax, and yes, it is STRESS. I’m the luckiest mom in the world to have Ally and Wes, they are deeply caring and compassionate (among other traits which I will not elaborate on here). I also realize how incredible it is that Randy is watching television in front of the fire at our home right now. We have been truly blessed.

PS: Randy liked the stew! He liked it! Mikey!

The Journey Home?

October 28, 2013 By Tam Warner 8 Comments

Randy’s release date (sounds like he is in prison!) is supposed to be Wednesday, October 30. BUT. I haven’t heard anything from the Lung Transplant Team about whether he needs equipment at home, nursing care, home health, etc etc. I mean, kind of important stuff! Since he is not walking unassisted, I confess to being nervous. ***Oh, after several phone calls I have an update: he is coming home Wednesday and they will tell us what we need to do tomorrow. AND Randy talked with the head of the Lung Transplant Team, and apparently he told Randy he can eat anywhere he wants, but to remember it is easy to gain weight because of meds, and he should be on the American Heart Association Diet, and low sodium. He needs to stay on the American Heart diet and he can eat anywhere he wants? Well, I don’t know about that, I mean, honestly, do you go to McDonalds for oatmeal? No. You go for a disgusting burger (which is probably 7% beef) and fries. Do not get me wrong, I’m enough of a 70s kid that I love junk food, but we are going to strictly avoid it. It will be nothing but healthy and balanced at home!

I have turned this house inside out. I am exhausted, my housekeeper is exhausted, my entire family is exhausted, but I am so paranoid that a piece of dust has escaped my attention. I have been tossing things out as I go, and that is a good thing. We have been in this house for 20 years. 20 years! Unreal how much “stuff” you collect in 20 years. Dust accumulates everywhere! Of course, tons of my children’s things are EVERYWHERE. They are 23 and 26, why is so much of their stuff at my house? I’m working on changing that!

I admit that I have probably gone overboard on the cleaning, making changes to the house, but I would rather be overboard than not careful enough. They make you attend Transplant Class, where you are told in no uncertain terms that you must be with the patient 24/7; if you are 3 seconds late for a medicine you are LATE; no junk food, all produce washed with a little Dawn, everything cooked well, take temperature at same time every day, blood pressure reading, sugar readings, insulin shots. No cats. I mean, they stress that 15% or so do not make it 1 year post transplant, and 50% do not make it to 5 years, and a portion of that is because people do not follow the guidelines as strictly as they should. But then, Randy is told that he can eat wherever he wants. I confess, I am confused. I think it best to err on the safe side. Don’t you?

Luke and Lucy, our crazy whacko Goldens, both had a trim and a bath today, but it is supposed to rain heavily Wednesday and Thursday so I am going to board them, along with Ally’s dog who lives here (Remy). Why does her dog live here? That is another story. Anyway, I cannot be dealing with wet, muddy dogs when Randy first gets home. If Ran can eat wherever he wants I’m probably being too paranoid about the dogs….I’ve had them trimmed down like Labs, and bought some allergy stuff that supposedly disinfects 99% of the bacteria they gather while outside. I did not have Remy trimmed because he really looks stupid groomed! He is a Shepherd/Husky mix, and quite fluffy, so when I had him trimmed down a month ago, he looked hideous! Luke and Lucy (and now Remy) have slept in our bed ever since we brought them home, so this is going to be interesting. I really cannot imagine what they will make of having to sleep outside the bedroom. How will they let me know they have to go to the bathroom?

Ah, the trash guys are here to pick up all of the trash that cleaning out the house (only the downstairs so far!) has generated. Now everything needs to be painted. I’ll worry about that in the spring.

The Archipiélago de Revillagigedo

October 24, 2013 By Tam Warner Leave a Comment

Last December Randy and I took a trip to the Revillagigedo’s Islands, better known as the Socorro Islands. Actually, only one of the islands is called Socorro, but anyway. It is a complete amazement that only 9 months later, Randy had to have a double lung transplant. That is a story on its own! http://tamtravels.wpengine.com/category/midlife-journey/transplant-an-unexpected-journey/.

December, 2012

Ah, I continue my search for diving with Manta Rays and Whale Sharks, and really, sharks of any kind. I enjoyed my Volunteer trip to Mozambique, but as I said in my blog, the diving was disappointing. So, a friend who has a non profit called Pelagic Life, recommended the Revillagigedo Islands, an archipielago commonly called the Socorro Islands. Randy and I left Dec 1 for Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, so we could relax before boarding the Solmar V, a live aboard dive boat, on December 2nd. We stayed at one of the hotels recommended by the Solmar V, the Playa Grande, a very nice hotel. We only had one mishap….usually it is me falling or doing something else stupid, but this time it was Randy.

Going to dinner he fell up the stairs. Yes, UP the stairs. We sat down for dinner and he iced his head, where he had hit the ground. Oops! Nice bruise and scraped head. He felt as stupid as I do when I fall, I think.

First afternoon on the boat. We left Cabo San Lucas yesterday at 5p, and should arrive San Benedicto (one of the archipelagos) around 4p today, part of the Revelligigado Islands. We will do one check out dive. The dive briefing this morning was about an hour and a half, I know I won’t remember half of it. Leaving Cabo’s Marina, it is beautiful, but I’m anxious to get in the water!

Randy and I are on the Solmar V for the second time, the first trip we took with them was to Guadalupe Island to cage dive with the Great Whites. One of the dive masters and a couple of the crew remembered us…mainly because of a little excitement at Guadalupe, where a big, beautiful Great White kind of ended up half into the cage I was in. Check out THAT story! Anyway, nice to find familiar, friendly faces. One of the dive masters is the guy who pulled me out of the cage after a Great White came for a little visit and chewed on my air hose. Thanks, Erick! Now, that was a trip!

So we just had a look at the animals we expect to see on this trip, whale sharks, manta rays, hammerheads, tiger sharks (holy s&%t, Batman!), silkies, false killer whales, dolphins…..I am so excited!

Randy is taking a Nitrox class, every single diver on this boat is a Nitrox diver. We are truly in the middle of the ocean, water as far as the eye can see, I am getting used to it now, it makes me very sleepy, as though I am being rocked in mother’s arms. The dive will be exciting this afternoon, I am sure!

Dive: Yes, our first dive was incredible! The conditions remind me very much of Africa and Mozambique, the rocky reef structures, the depth, strong current, but the visibility is much better, and the water warmer. Although I saw many new creatures in Africa, the trip (dive wise) was a bit disappointing….a lot of work and challenging diving for no whale sharks, no manta rays, only a couple of white tip sharks. San Benedicto does not disappoint! The first dive was full of white tips and Galapagos sharks as well as a few Hammerheads and manta rays! Some people saw a whale shark….sadly, I was not one of them. Oh, the mantas! So huge, so graceful, so gorgeous! There is nothing quite like them. It is so imperative to keep these animals safe and in the ocean where they belong, not in a Chinese medicine bottle. I’ve seen them, but to be so close to one is such a privilege!

Our dive master is Danny, the hero of the Whale Shark rescue which you may have seen on the news. Here is a link to it in case you missed it! tps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLyoIb9fLCI&list=UU1QoU6b96y2r5hWKVML3wpA&index=2&feature=plcp. Go to 5 minutes and you will see the footage. And the great news is that she was seen again not long ago in the Sea of Cortez! So she and her babies did just fine. and the other dive masters are David and Erick. All of them are wonderfully nice and accommodating. Two trips ago, at Roca Partida, the divers ran across a huge female whale shark with a rope constricting her from the pectoral fins around her body. They believed her to be pregnant. The next dive when they saw her, Danny was ready with a knife and he carefully cut the barnacle encrusted rope off of her. The rope had cut into her pectoral fin, and had to be pulled away from her body. What an adventure!

Our first meal aboard was delicious and well served. The Solmar V is not the most beautiful boat, it is older but very comfortable, and the crew is extremely organized and friendly. If you love to dive, this is a trip you do not want to miss. We went to our cabin tired but happy, happy, happy!

Evolution

October 21, 2013 By Tam Warner Leave a Comment

I visited Randy at Zale Lipshy in Dallas tonight, and took him Chipotle, against my better judgment. After a double lung transplant, one is supposed to be very cautious about what one eats. I discovered the other day that Randy has contracted e coli…in the lung. He is on antibiotics, but it worries me that he has contracted an infection like this so soon. I had no idea one could get it in the lung, but apparently one can breathe it in, in several ways. Of course, I know that Ran will be immuno-suppressed for the rest of his life because of the medications, but that an infection happened so quickly has given me pause. He’s been asking people to bring him food…mostly junk food, really. Arby’s, Bar b Q, Chinese food, all things he should not be eating. Since he is on strong antibiotics I went ahead and took him Chipotle. I’m not saying that Chipotle is bad, but the foods do stay out, without covers on them. The meats, the toppings, all are exposed to the air, and to whatever bacteria is floating around. We had a talk about it tonight, and he promised he would stop asking for it, and I told him I would not bring him anything more unless it met certain standards. What are those standards? They include refrigeration, being under a case, and meals sealed in plastic. Whole Foods, Central Market, perhaps Eatzis, Start Restaurant, Dream Cafe, Company Cafe, Rise, and some others. No junk food, no Chinese restaurant take out, and bar b que.

Randy is also on a large dose of prednisone, a steroid, which makes blood sugar rise. So, although he never had any issues before with diabetes, he is now on insulin. Sugary drinks aren’t on the menu for Randy, either. Once Randy is home it will be easier as far as food goes, he won’t be able to drive, and he will have to eat what I give him. Not that I am a great cook, I am nervous as hell about it. But at least I will use separate cutting boards and knives for produce versus meat; and I know every food item will be soaked and cleaned after it is bought. Everything organic, cage free, no steroids, no antibiotics in the food. I will even have to cook meat, which is not much fun for me since I do not eat it anymore. Randy has to eat all meat well done, and to a certain temperature, which I cannot recall right now, but it is in my Lung Transplant Care Manual. So I am reading and studying and becoming more aware of nutrition, and how food should be prepared.

Oh, and no alcohol. Maybe a couple of times a year he can have a glass of wine, but that is it. Alcohol is an inflammatory item, and inflammation is to be avoided, since that sets off scarring. Oy. A lot to learn. And does anyone know when True Food Kitchen is supposed to open at Preston Center????

Travels with Tam started out as a travel blog, and has evolved into travels and journeys not only out in the world, but journeys of life, midlife, and the empty nest. I would love to hear feed back from my readers on the type of posts you prefer. The next year may involve some trips, I am hoping to get in a few dive trips, and hoping that Randy can travel to Lake Tahoe, or perhaps northern California/Pacific Northwest, but I think it is going to be a year of journeying through life, and change. I plan to start posting the trip Randy and I took last December to Socorro, on the Solmar V, soon.

I started back to my walking and to yoga…but it has been an uphill climb. The vigils at the hospital and the events of the last months have contributed to a bigger bottom line for me, ha ha. It seems easy to get out of the work-out/eat right mode since these activities can be very painful (I’ve had two back surgeries, sigh). It’s not an “age thing”, I’ve gone my entire life with back pain. My best activity is always in the water, snorkeling, diving, swimming…it supports my spine and hips…movement without pain, freedom of movement, and a true sense of euphoria in the underwater realm. Walking, lifting, and even yoga, which has so many wonderful benefits for me, can be a physical challenge, and man, it is a big challenge right now. I walked 10 minutes on the treadmill…then off to stretch my hips and legs, then another 10 minutes on. I did 45 minutes yesterday. Then I did a little weight lifting. So, since Randy can only have healthy fresh food, and will have 3 physical therapy sessions a week after he gets home, the time is now for me to get my workouts moving. I just wish I had a nice, clear ocean to dive in, to help me physically and for my peace of mind. Dallas for now though, will have to do.

Thinking about Tracy Fisher

October 19, 2013 By Tam Warner 4 Comments

For the last 7 or 8 years I have worked as a college consultant, in private practice. Four years ago, October 19, 2009, I received an unbelievable phone call: my student, Tracy Fisher, a young woman who was one of my student bloggers on my College Adventures Blog, had passed away, suddenly, while at Mizzou. After a time, it was discovered that Tracy died of a blood clot. The next day, October 20, 2009, would have been her 19th birthday. Today, the fourth anniversary of her passing, I am thinking of Tracy…. bright, talented, and oh so enthusiastic Tracy.

I met Tracy when she was a junior in high school. She did not know what she wanted to do in college, become an actor/singer or a journalist. She decided on journalism, and was overjoyed when she was accepted at Mizzou, one of the best journalism schools around. Tracy was in school with my son, Wes, so she came over for parties and “hang outs”. I watched her perform at RHS as she was in the theater magnet there. We worked together in my office putting her essays together and double checking applications and discussing summer opportunities…and laughing. We did quite a bit of laughing.

Tracy happily blogged for me when she went to Mizzou. Her blogs are a testament to her excitement about being at Mizzou and her enjoyment of college, her classes, her writing, and her social life. She always bubbled over joyfully about all of her experiences, always finding the positive in situations that others might consider negative. She was consistent and prompt with her blogs, and happy to share photos.

Her parents are lovely people, and I still cannot imagine how they have handled this with such strength and grace. Her mother posts a lot on Facebook, and her spirit always amazes me. She remembers Tracy often, and refers to the “pink sparkles” (Pink was Tracy’s “signature color”) of life. I think of them today, and how much their lives have changed, and how much I admire them.

Tracy is gone….but her essence remains…and her memory is kept alive. But oh, what Tracy could have been! She was talented and young and ambitious and bright. So many people miss her today, and every day.

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