Fabulous Photo Friday: Bath, England

May 16, 2014 By Tam Warner 16 Comments

I LOVE England. LOVE LOVE LOVE. I am a true Anglophile, especially when it comes to British history. I’ve been to England several times, and I certainly plan to go back again and again! We spent two weeks roaming the English countryside while my daughter was doing her study abroad in London. My son and I were alone in Bath together and hired a British historian so I could actually talk to someone about what we were seeing! As you can see, the weather was a bit foreboding, but it added to the atmosphere of the place. And yes, I know it is Jane Austen’s hometown, but I was more interested in the Roman history. Ah, I want to go back. Enjoy!

uk 07 bath jane austen — Jane Austen’s street

Tomb of the Nash Family (my mother was a Nash) — Stone Tomb

uk 07 bath bath — One of the Roman baths

My son Wes on Pultenoy Bridge, the River Avon

May 15, 1987: Throwback Thursday

May 15, 2014 By Tam Warner 6 Comments

On May 15, 1987, I gave birth to our daughter, Alexandra. As I said in my mother’s day post, she terrified me. The idea that I was responsible for this little human life was overwhelming. I went from being a nervous wreck (truthfully, I was a nervous wreck for quite a long while), to finally relaxing enough to enjoy her. She is 27 today, the same age I was when I gave birth to her. 27! We, the Boomers who have all hit 50 now, have begun to realize that our parents were correct: our children grow up fast, and time seems to fly. It is very difficult to believe that my darling baby girl (who stopped screaming at 2 months old, when she found her thumb) is 27 years old. She still looks like a child to me.

Mother and daughter had tough times, that is definite. We are not two peas in a pod, in fact, we are very, very different. AllyCat wants to know what the plan is….I always say there is no plan, we’ll play it by ear. THAT drives our AllyCat into “batshit crazy”. She always wants a plan. Always. Sometimes I have a plan, but it is always flexible. Oh, no, not for Alexandra. A plan is a plan, and you have to keep to it. Obviously, our temperaments are different, and we spent a great deal of time butting heads when she was in grade school, and again when she was in high school. This is the 10 year old who told me that my parenting was “inconsistent”. At 10! I have always been the type to say, oh well, that did not work, so we’ll try another way, but Ally wanted an absolute structure. I am really not good at structure. No, she was never an easy child.

Ally is a person who follows the rules, I am a person who questions rules and I usually only obey the ones I think make sense. This has made for some extremely interesting encounters out in the world. She was such a good little girl, so particular. She wouldn’t fingerpaint, she had to use Q Tips! I celebrated when she received her first demerit. Ha! Regardless, there has always been an unbreakable bond between us; actually, between the 4 of us as a family. Granted, we are a bit nuts. Ally has always believed we would be a better TV show than the Ozbournes. Ha! Yes, we are loud, there is cursing, and we are always engaged with each other in some way. We are a family who will talk about almost anything, and we have no compunction about asking questions, though sometimes the answers are not always what we want to hear.

The house was full of Ally’s friends and boyfriends as she grew up, I loved having the group here where I could at least know they were safe instead of out driving on a New Year’s Eve. Our little homebody didn’t want to ever leave home, she wanted to live here forever and go to college locally. We forced our little bird to fly, and she went to college in Florida, spent time in London for a study abroad semester, and lived in Boston for a year. Ally is a homing bird, and she is back in Dallas now, which is wonderful. She has had a stellar education, valuable experiences, and that is what we wanted for her. She and I took a trip to Thailand this year, and that was extremely enjoyable. My grownup daughter and I get along very well, and like being together. Fancy that!

So happy, happy birthday to you, Alexandra! Our little girl, our Pissy Sissy, our Biscuit, our AllyCat, our Xanadu…I am so glad I had you! (so is your dad, but he isn’t writing this blog, I am!). You have added meaning to my life that I never could have anticipated. I love you….big bunches!

IMPORTANT! Facebook has decided to charge pages like Travels with Tam a fee to share posts, even with people who have Liked our page. I have over 3,600 fans, but only 47 saw my Mother’s Day Post! This sucks, right? If you are on Google +, so am I, and if you’d like to get my posts you should subscribe via email, on the upper right of the page. I will be so so happy if you do!!!!

So much delicious food in Seattle!

May 13, 2014 By Tam Warner 5 Comments

by Suzanne Simone Stavert of ADVENTURES OF

EMPTY NESTERS.

Eating all of the delicious food in Seattle is one of my favorite things about going there.

My goodness we had a great time and many of our favorites times were discovering new restaurants in a city with so many culinary delights! All I can say is food, food and more food…Leslie turned to me on Day Two of our gastronomic adventure and exclaimed, “No more, I can’t eat another bite!” (Truth: She did eat one more time at Sunday lunch! Sorry Les!) The good news is that in addition to eating our way through Seattle, we walked endless miles as well. We must balance the calorie intake with calories burned…right?

I really could write several posts about where we went to eat and how each chef dazzled us with their talent. I guess that would not be so bad to read about would it? Seriously though,I am the one who takes photos of most of my meals in restaurants. The dishes are so gorgeously presented on the plate, they are like works of art! One meal that could be characterized as one of our most favorites was breakfast atPortage Bay. The food is large, local, organic, tasty, sustainable and oh so delicious! We giggled all through breakfast at how fortunate we were to be eating there!

They have a unique pancake topping bar that contains huge glass bowls piled high with strawberries, blueberries, pears and boysenberries. There is a mountain of whipped cream, a small “hill” of butter and pitchers of pure warm maple syrup. I can honestly say that I have never witnessed a more gorgeous set up for breakfast. These were just the toppings! It was ridiculously good.

I believe you would characterize these photos as “food porn”. It was so fun to throw our diets out the window and splurge on these amazing dishes.

In addition to serving delicious food the owners of Portage Bay have a simple philosophy about food and I LOVE THIS!

Eat like you give a damn about…

where your food comes from
what goes in your body
the ethics of how your food is raised and handled
how your food tastes
the environment

When you combine delicious food with a company who cares about the rest of the world it is a home run in my book. If you are in Seattle, visiting Portage Bay is a must. Love this place! <3

Hungry now?

Being a Mother

May 11, 2014 By Tam Warner 2 Comments

Being a mother was not something I dreamed about while growing up. In fact, I didn’t even like to babysit, and when I had an infant to babysit, I called my best friend, Shannon, to change “it” if it woke up. I was much more interested in animals than in children. People said I would make a terrible mother because I was so mercurial and forgetful and in the clouds (ADHD, don’t you know).

With my first, Alexandra, I was so thrilled to be pregnant I didn’t even mind being sick every single day, and getting fat, fat, fat. It wasn’t until I was about 8 months pregnant that reality set in: we were having a baby. OH. MY.GOD. I had never even changed a diaper on my own! And I was going to be responsible for a human life? Oh, shit, what have I done?? After a nightmarish 21 hour labor ordeal, I had a pink, beautiful, screaming baby. She terrified me.

I was much more relaxed with my second baby, a huge, happy baby boy, Wessie boo. He wanted to eat constantly, and use me as a pacifier, but he was a happy, easy going baby. Mama’s boy, he never wanted to leave my side, he would burrow into me like a furry little animal. My brown eyed boy, always up to mischief, and always so happy about it!

ally and mom reader 1st grade — In character with an embarrassed daughter!

I wanted to be a great mother. I was an involved mom, reading to the kids and dressing in character at school (my daughter was humiliated and wondered why I couldn’t be like the other mothers). I played with them, taught them to swim, snorkel and scuba dive, read to them, put snakes they found into buckets to look at, and I tried to set a good example. I went back to college and achieved both a BA and an MS. I also took in every stray in the neighborhood (they all came to my door) and tried to heal birds and squirrels and any other animal they brought me. I taught them my reverence for animals and for nature, especially the ocean. We had bunnies and dogs and cats and lizards and tortoises. My house was the house where all the kids wanted to hang out, so the house was always full and noisy. I loved it.

We have always loved animals! — Always a full house.

I love my children, and I have loved being their mother. I still do. I was not a perfect parent (good luck with that), and my daughter actually told me when she was 10 or so that I was not consistent enough. My son was a charmer who mostly got his way (I always knew what he was up to, but he was just so sweet and adorable!). I have spent the last 28 years being a mother, and I have learned that once you become a parent, there is no turning back. It never ends…the love, the worry, the fear, the concern, and the joy. The attachment is always there, an invisible cord holding us together, forever.

Talent show! — I coached them in “The Lion King” for a talent show. They won!

The sad thing about being a mom is that your children don’t remember all that you did for them, or with them. It forms them, influences them, creates their character, but they don’t remember the days of play and swimming and helping with homework, the time and the love and the sacrifices and the lessons taught. Parenthood is the hardest job, there is no doubt about that. They remember the things you did wrong, but rarely remember the things you did right. I remember, though. I have jumped through hoops of fire for my kids, done everything in my power to give them the help they needed, and I can’t say I left anything undone. I have always been there for them, supporting them if they needed it, cheering them on if they didn’t. Maybe I didn’t discipline them enough…but it was just so hard to see them cry. It hurt me to the core of my being.

Wesley's college graduation celebration — Wesley’s college graduation celebration

I do not regret being a parent, I have been fulfilled by it, not only with my own children, but my children by other mothers. I hope they know that every moment of their lives I have loved them, and done only what I thought was in their best interests. They are off and living their own lives now, but they are always in my heart. Always.

Fab Photos Friday: An Awesome 4th Dive Day in Cozumel!

May 9, 2014 By Tam Warner 5 Comments

Our last day of diving went well. I very much enjoyed my days with Challenge Diving, they do a great job. On my dives were people from Colorado…and one man from New Jersey. He was a hoot. Italian, with a great Jersey accent, and a name like DeLucci! On our second dive, Greg DeLucci’s mask broke. It was bad enough that he had to ascend. On his safety stop, I glanced up to make sure he was doing all right, when I saw what looked like glass falling through the water to the reef. I went after it, and it turned out it was his prescription lens. As a diver with a prescription mask, I appreciate how devastating the loss of a lens would be during a trip! When I ascended and was in the dive boat, I told him I found the lens, and he could not have been any happier! He told me that just before I came up, he had said, “Tony Tony please come down, something’s lost and must be found!” I had never heard that before…but it turns out it is something he says to St Anthony (Patron Saint of the Lost) when he loses something. Of course, he calls him Tony. Funny guy!

take nothing with you and leave only bubbles when you dive!

My first Mother’s Day without Mom

May 7, 2014 By Tam Warner 6 Comments

Mom and I with my daughter, and my cousin and her daughter!

It seems strange not to be planning a gift and what we will do for my mom on Mother’s Day. She passed away last June, and there are still times I think, “I want to tell mom that”, before realizing she’s not here anymore. Our relationship was never smooth, in fact it was pretty contentious, but she was a daily part of my life for my entire life, whether I wanted her to be or not.

Growing up, we never quite jelled. She wanted a daughter who wanted to sew and cook and shop and do girly things while I wanted to play baseball and hockey with the boys or play with my animals. Our viewpoints as I grew older were always different. Mom was also one of those “hysterical” moms, the kind that cries and just knows that if you ride a horse you will be killed (the first time I rode I did get thrown…). She was a “doom and gloom” type of mom: I would be sorry for this, I would be sorry for that, I was ruining my life, etc, etc. Our fights and arguments were sometimes epic. My mother spent most of my childhood and teen years worried about what I was doing, and voicing that worry constantly. If not for my dad and brother, Mike, who acted as buffers, I have no idea how bad the explosion would have been.

After I left home things were better because I was not constantly under her microscope. I lived quite far away in a time before personal computers and cell phones, so our contact was what we considered frequent then, a once or twice weekly phone call. After my father died, when I was only 25, we went right back to contentious. According to mom, the only person deeply affected by dad’s death was her. She just wallowed in her misery, and soon the only thing that made her happy was gambling and Las Vegas. Mom became a compulsive gambler, but we were slow to realize it.

She was a wonderful grandmother to my two children, and she moved to Dallas so she could be close to them. My father left her extremely well provided for, but she was gambling that money away quickly. She spent with no concern whatsoever. After we put her money in a trust she started getting cash from her credit cards. She would run them up as high as $30,000.00 a year. Yes, there were many contentious exchanges.

But we had our good times too. She was good to my children and they adored her; on extended family visits it was fun to play poker or yahtzee with her; she went on vacation with us and watched the kids. And hey, she was my mom. I partially supported her for many years, and there was very little left when she passed last summer. She was usually mad at me for something, especially the last few years. I was told that I would be “sick and sorry” when she was gone, and that she would “haunt” me for being so mean to her (you know, doing things like making sure she wore her oxygen and having home health in to check on her. Boy, did that piss her off!) She died of lung disease, and as less and less oxygen made it to her brain, she became extremely difficult. She weighed 85 pounds at 5’4″, and still would not believe how sick she was. “I’m fine!” she would shout at me (and my brother, and her grandchildren, and her doctor….). At 80 pounds she went into the hospital for 2 weeks, with my brother and I at her side, and she finally went to sleep and didn’t wake up.

My son and I with "Nana" — My son and I with “Nana”

I miss you, mom. No one has threatened me with dire consequences for almost a year now, and I have yet to be haunted. My husband became critically ill after mom died and we had to cancel her interment. As my husband recovers slowly, I try to plan a time to do it. I mean, I feel terrible that she is still here, and not with dad (her ashes). But a childhood friend said to me, “Tammy, don’t worry about it. As long as she is someplace where she can drive you crazy, she’s happy”. That’s about right!

featured

by Suzanne Simone Stavert of ADVENTURES OF

EMPTY NESTERS.

Eating all of the delicious food in Seattle is one of my favorite things about going there.

Hungry now?

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