Not all journeys are fun, but there are many one cannot avoid. Especially at midlife. Saturday, June 22nd I lost my mother, she passed peacefully from this life. The last months have been filled with the fear and worry about her health, and making decisions, painful decisions. My mother had emphysema, and she had become very frail in the last year or so. We tried to make her wear oxygen 24 hours a day, but met with absolute resistance. The doctor suggested assisted living, and that request met with an adamant no. We brought in Home Health, and boy, did that piss her off! No, none of this journey was easy.
Not wanting to force her into Assisted Living, we hired Home Health, and popped in on her unexpectedly to see if she was wearing her oxygen. She finally did start to understand that oxygen made her feel better, but she would not wear it out of her apartment. Bingo and Poker Games were the highlight of her social life, and she refused to go to those events with oxygen. So stubborn!
The last two weeks of her life were tough…mom had pneumonia and was in the hospital. Of course, she wanted me to take her outside for a cigarette, and she told the cardiologist she did NOT want to quit smoking, thank you. At first we believed she might get better, but that hope soon gave out. Knowing, or sensing, that the end was near, I asked her sister to fly in, and my son as well. She was surrounded by family and those who loved her to the very end. She was almost 86 years old, and lived a full, eventful life. It is a good feeling to know that nothing was left unsaid, that everything was in good order. For anyone who knows my mother, they will appreciate this: 30 hours before she died I had her sitting up and playing Blackjack with my aunt and I!
When one does not have enough oxygen to the brain, one becomes forgetful, and personality can change. While trying to get her to wear her oxygen 3 weeks ago, I was informed by my mother that I was not right about everything, and when she died she would come back and haunt me. I have to smile at that, she could be a feisty little woman, and you know what? I hope she does come back to see me. Haunt away, mom! I’d love to see you again. Rest happily with Daddy and all your loved ones who have passed. But feel free to haunt me a little.
Tam I don’t know you well, but I can see why Lyn treasures your friendship. Having said that I love your photography and your travel adventures and feel so blessed that you choose to share them.. Thanks for writing about your mom and her last days with you. I am sitting here with tears running down my face. It truly touched my heart. I miss my dad more than I can explain and regret that I didn’t get to say goodbye. My grandma was a different story. At 103 she was ready. I held her hand as she took her last breaths and thought of all the wonderful stories she shared with us. Love the Tom Petty quote and I believe it to be true! Enjoy your adventures. I look forward to your posts.
Tam, what a wonderful tribute to your mother. She must have been a vibrant, determined woman who loved life, loved you and loved her grand-children. My life is fuller because you shared her story, which reminds me of my own mother’s stubborn nature and love for life. I can see from the pictures that you resemble her so much. My condolances Tam, along with warm hugs. Claire
Mom would love the “resemblance”, I am adopted! She was always proud of that, and I always admired my parents for being loving and generous enough to adopt two children. Thanks, Claire.
Oh Tam
Tjanks for sharing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounded like a lady I would have liked to have known.
Made me think about my mom–lost her about 10 years ago.
They told her to quit smoking-quit eating steak and butter etc–she said NO
they told her she needed to do dialysis or die–she said NO–we begged her she said NO-she died!
But she did it her way–gotta respect that on some level.
Hang in there-I m sure she loved you-as you do her.
jeff
The stubborn won’t budge! And yes, at some level they deserve respect…one cannot force good health upon anyone else.
Dear Tam,
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you begin to heal. I’m sure your mother’s strong will and tenacity served her well. The two of you were lucky to have found each other, and I’m glad y’all had so many years together. No doubt she helped you grow into the interesting and compassionate person you are today. Let’s get together soon.
Marti
Tam,
That was a wonderful tribute to your mom. It’s obvious from your pictures that you were all so close and that you’ve made memories that will last a lifetime. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Angie
Thank you, Angie, for your kind words. She will be missed.
What a wonderful tribute to Jean. I know when I last saw her, when we had lunch at Turtle’s,
she was pretty set in her ways, so to speak, and still a little “spitfire.” Having known her for so many years, I would say she had a mind of her own. We shared may good times together. And Herm was a great person. It was my pleasure to have been friends with the entire family. I know she will be missed. Please give my love, and sympathy to the family.
Love,
“Aunt Dottie”
Thank you, Dottie. You were always a good friend to mom, and to us. Bless you.
Congratulations to your mom, Tam, on a life well lived – on her own terms! This is a wonderful tribute full of the love and admiration you will, no doubt, always feel for her. Thanks for sharing your story with your cyberfriends. I hope in the difficult days ahead you will be surrounded by the healing power of love, friendship and memories.
Thank you Ginger. The Cyber Crew is very special to me, you are all so wonderful.
Tam,
Your mom was a wonderful person and I remember all the good times you had with her. You were an admirable and generous daughter!! Your family is fortunate to have you as a wife and mom!! XO
Thank you so much, Marta!
Tam,
We grieve with you and know that you will always cherish the wonderful memories of your life with your mother. You have been all that any parent could ask for and she is at peace watching you from a more comfortable place. She can watch us all with Gene and Pauline be her side.
We hope the difficult times pass easily.
Thank you, Greg and Lauri. I hope by now she has introduced Gene to my dad, I know they would get along famously. If Gene was a poker player, they are at the tables now, I’m sure! Love to you both, and may you be at peace with the passing of Gene.