LIFE ADVENTURES AND JOURNEYS Archives

Updates on Randy and Year of the Horse

February 6, 2014 By Tam Warner 2 Comments

Someone told me the other day that this is the year of the Wooden Horse (Chinese Astrology). I was also advised that the previous two years were “water” years, 2012 was the Water Dragon, followed by 2013’s year of the Water Snake. Apparently, the past two years have been low on energy and kind of sad. I can certainly relate to that. But the year of the Wooden Horse is supposed to bring better times. According to Susan Levitt, “The Wood Horse year is a time of fast victories, unexpected adventure, and surprising romance. It is an excellent year for travel, and the more far away and off the beaten path the better. Energy is high and production is rewarded. Decisive action, not procrastination, brings victory. But you have to act fast in a Horse year. If you are not 100% secure about a decision, then don’t do it. Events move so quickly in a Horse year that you don’t want to gallop off in the wrong direction.” Ok. I’m ready. I have an adventure coming up the end of February…off to Thailand and Myanmar for diving. I am so looking forward to it. CLICK TO TWEET.

Randy is recovering from his double lung transplant very well, but his father is experiencing health issues, and that is holding back some of his recovery, I believe. We are in the process of trying to get some home health care involved, meals delivered, and someone to help Ran’s dad a few times a week with tasks he wants done. Hopefully that will free Randy up a bit to get back to PT full time and other recovery tasks. I hope so. With lung transplant, there is ONE window, 6 months to a year, to get your lungs to their absolute best. After the one year mark, they begin to age. It is critical that Randy work as hard as he can to get as much lung volume as possible.

Midlife and the empty nest offer great opportunities, but there is also the other side of midlife: our illnesses, parent illnesses and the loss of your parents. And your friends. So far in 2014 a friend has lost her husband suddenly, an old friend has passed away, and my biological father passed as well. My aunt fell down a flight of stairs and broke her leg and her collarbone. As in all times in our lives, midlife definitely has its set of challenges. However, the year of the horse didn’t start until Feb 1, and all of that happened in January. So I still have hope for 2014! I received a surprise invitation to see Sting on Sunday night, so that is an unexpected adventure. One thing I have always known is that you have to go while you can. As far as possible, and within reason, go and do what you want to NOW, while you are able. Truly, you only have this moment.

So…. Go Horse, Go! Run for the Roses! Make the Year of the Wooden Horse, 2014, a great year! Oh, and Happy New Year to you!

Oh, those wonderful Dons

January 27, 2014 By Tam Warner 13 Comments

WHAT a great weekend it has been! These guys are simply the best. Here’s the story:

My husband, Randy, had an unexpected respiratory collapse last August, and in September, after 12 days on life support, he had a double lung transplant (I did blog during that very unexpected journey). During this incredibly difficult time, friends rallied like…well, like friends! Among our wonderful, fabulous friends, is this group of guys, Randy’s childhood and college friends, a group known as “the Dons”. Why are they the Dons? Well, some of the story isn’t really tell-able, but long story short, there was a guy in their high school that they knew, and they just started calling each other by his name, which was “Don”. Whatever. For some reason, it seems to fit. You have Don, Don, Don, Big Don, and Donnie. Oh, and don’t forget Don.

This group of guys is truly a novel. And a fascinating study of male friendship. When they found out Randy was ill, they didn’t wait, they grabbed a plane and came to see him. They came from California, Chicago, Tennessee, Louisiana, and Atlanta. They came to laugh with their buddy who was on the lung transplant list and to offer me their love and support. These guys and their significant others have been so kind to me, so loving, so supportive. Like family. After Randy went into rehab in October, they all came in again, to celebrate the fact that their friend made it through. Just before they left the first time, while Randy was still conscious, they decided that they would all come back in January, again, to celebrate Randy’s recovery. They were true to their word, and some brought wives and girlfriends. Of course, the girls couldn’t really talk together because the Dons are LOUD. Really loud. And once the stories get going, you don’t want to miss a single word.

Stories? These guys have stories. I mean, from grade school on, they have stories! Most of them I have heard, but they are so entertaining, I can listen for …. 30 years worth! Of course, we have gotten together on and off for many years, but there have been times when not one word has passed between them for like 7 or 8 years! They pick up, right where they left off. Amazing. They are there for each other for weddings, christenings, funerals, divorces, Chicago Bears games (they are Chicago boys, except one who became a don in college)…they have supported each other through life’s trials and joys. Guy trips, couple trips, I have never spent a second with any of them that hasn’t been great. Both of my kids (yes, I know they are 26 and 23 but they are still MY kids even though my son is engaged to be married!) were here for the dinners and stories this weekend. Randy’s dad, still Mr. Minton to the Dons, joined us one night. One of my close friends came and observed as well…with her mouth hanging open! As I said, they are LOUD, and there is NOTHING sacred. Not even the jokes about how they should have pulled the plug on Randy, complete with flat-lining noises! They are just too, too funny.

Lil Murph (aka Don) in the middle of a story

Randy had Chicago Italian Beef and Sausages flown in from (you guessed it) Chicago. If you have seen the SNL skits about “da Bears” and “Ditka”, and there is a Ditka commercial out now where they grill the sausages on an airplane, you will know how important this food is to the Bears fan. As exhausted as I am, I am happy to have had such a fun, and warm, weekend with friends. The truth is, I think this was the very best medicine Randy could possibly have had. I think it energized Randy and gave him more incentive to work harder and harder to regain his health.
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So guys, Mike, Tom, Dave, Tony, Brian, and Pete (who was not able to be here this weekend), I hope you know how much I appreciate and love you. I hope the Dons will be together again, for many many years of love, stories, and laughter. Especially the laughter!

The Dons are coming, the Dons are coming!

January 23, 2014 By Tam Warner

They will blow into town on Friday! I will be sure to give a full report of Randy’s childhood pals, who are coming in for the 3rd time to celebrate the fact that Randy is here after being on life support for 12 days and having a double lung transplant! The last time they saw Randy he was still at Zale Lipshy in rehab, and unable to walk. They are in for a treat…their buddy is getting around without any help.

In case you have missed previous blogs, my husband experienced a respiratory failure back in August, then another in September. He was put on an ECMO machine while he remained on the lung transplant list. All of this came as a huge shock, and Randy’s friends immediately rushed in to help, to soothe, to make their pal laugh, and to be supportive of Randy’s family.

These guys have been the best…incredibly supportive of Randy, but more so for me! I love the dons (don’t even ask why they call themselves the dons, goes back to high school), and I am looking forward to seeing them under, if not normal, at least more comfortable circumstances!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!

December 24, 2013 By Tam Warner 4 Comments

Tonight is Christmas Eve, and while we are not having our usual big bash, we will still number over 20! What a year. We are grateful that Randy is here with us, having survived a double lung transplant and 3 months in the ICU. We have gained with the birth of Bodie Torres Koye, 3rd child of Jessica Torres Koye and Stevan Koye. Tonight we remember my mother, Jean Warner, who passed in June; and Gene Jacoby, who passed in March. Gene’s companion, Paula, also left us in March. 2013 has been a tumultuous year, full of ups and downs, but that is life. We will celebrate while we can!

“Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time. ~Laura Ingalls Wilder”

Here are some photos of the season, and Merry Christmas to all!

and a few more words of wisdom:

Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren’t for Christmas
We’d all be Jewish.
~Benny Hill

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’ ~Dave Barry, “Christmas Shopping: A Survivor’s Guide”

On the Receiving End

December 16, 2013 By Tam Warner 12 Comments

This post is part of a bloghop from the Women of Midlife, Midlife Boulevard. Topic? The best gift you ever gave or received!

Randy with his children, Wes and Alexandra

I thought about writing a very profound post about my husband’s miraculous double lung transplant in September of this year…but instead, I think I will just say it like it is, without the bells and whistles. After 2 weeks on the transplant list, and 2 more weeks on life support, I can easily tell you the best gift I ever received: the day my husband received lungs. Without that gift, he would not be here.

The gift is, and was, multifaceted. Number one, Randy is alive and breathing. The gift given by the donor and the donor’s family benefited untold numbers of people. It benefited me, by giving my husband a second chance at life, and giving US a second chance to be together. Number two, it benefited several other organ recipients who were receiving the heart and liver in other operating rooms, and their loved ones, with whom we shared that waiting room. Number 3, it benefited everyone who cares about our family, and after the prayers and love and assistance and positive energy that came our way, apparently there are a lot of people who care, which is a gift in itself! But, number 4 is the most cherished aspect of the gift.

The transplant returned their father to my children, Wes, 23, and Alexandra, 26. The hardest part of the entire surrealistic event was witnessing the agony of my children. To see their suffering was the worst experience of my life, and between you and me, I’ve had a few bad moments. They truly believed he was going to die, and they would never be able to talk to him again. The kids have inherited Randy’s less than optimistic view of life (that is putting it very nicely) while I tend to view life through a lens of optimism. I have friends who would tell you that I am “idealistic”, meaning unrealistic and on another planet, but I agree with George Carlin when he says that behind every cynic is a disappointed idealist. I confess that I do have a very stubborn idealism, but I also say I have a fairly well tuned intuition working for me. It never really seemed possible, or realistic, that Randy would actually die. I had other friends who felt that way, too. Friends who texted me the night before Randy would get his lungs and said, “I just don’t believe he will die. It isn’t his time.” The spiritual implications of that are best explored in a future post, but that was exactly how I phrased it as well, “It isn’t his time.” Wes and Ally did not have that hope.

It has always been a conundrum for me, is it better to be prepared for loss, or to lose someone quickly? There are arguments to both sides, and we’ve heard them all, so I won’t elaborate on them here. Randy’s decline happened so rapidly that no one was prepared or expecting such a drastic turn of events. He was not even on oxygen! Most people on the transplant list are somewhat debilitated, on oxygen, not living an active life. 3 weeks before Randy was on life support he was snorkeling and walking in Mexico for exercise, daily! Yes, we knew there was a breathing problem, and it had been diagnosed as sarcoidosis, but one of the top sarcoid doctors in the country said he didn’t think it was sarcoid. He recommended a biopsy. We explained to our young adult children that we needed more testing. 4 days before that biopsy was scheduled, Randy crashed, and the lung function he lost in just a couple of days was irretrievable. In another couple of weeks, another crash put him on life support for almost twelve days. Everything happened so fast, like a row of dominoes going down. It was an episode of the Twilight Zone.

Wes and Ally were devastated. I don’t know any other way to put it. While Randy was on life support, Ally would come to the hospital and work from the waiting room, while Wes would dash in, and dash out, unable to stay because he knew there was nothing he could do. When I was able to let them know there was a 90% chance suitable lungs had been “found”, their hope was rekindled. Even though they are (mostly) grown up, they are still my babies, and seeing the fear and the horror and the desperation in their faces was truly one of the worst moments of my life. I cared more about their reactions and emotions than I did for my own, because I lost my dad when I was 25. It is terrible to lose a parent at any time, but to lose them young is beyond sadness. The grandchildren my dad never saw, the lack of time, the knowledge that there could have been so much more to his life, to our lives. It is a sadness that anyone who has lost a parent before their time knows well.

Randy is doing well, remarkably well for a guy who was about as close to the end as one can get. (And it was not Sarcoid, it was IPF, Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, one of the worst lung diseases you could ever be diagnosed with). Seeing the joy on the faces of my children when their Dad came out of surgery was the best gift I have ever received. Normally I prefer to be the giver…but being on the receiving end of a gift that kept my family together has truly been the gift of a lifetime.

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Clear Lungs and No Sign of Rejection!

December 9, 2013 By Tam Warner Leave a Comment

Today was a long one, but as you can tell from the title of this post, it had a great outcome! Today Randy had “clinic” (blood test, xray, spirometry, doctor’s appointment), followed by a bronchoscopy, a test that allows the doctor to look inside Randy’s lungs’ airways, called the bronchi. The doctor inserts a thin, flexible tube called a bronchoscope and the tube is passed down your throat into your airways. The doctor took pictures, and sent away a couple of tissue samples, but came out all smiles, and informed me that the lungs were clear, with no sign of rejection. Holy Shiza, Batman! That is some of the best news an organ transplant patient can hear.

It has been 3 months since Randy’s double lung transplant. 3 months. It is difficult to believe he has come this far in such a short period of time….as I sit here with our Christmas tree softly glowing, and a fire in the grate, it seems like a nightmare long ago, but it was a harsh reality. The hospital waiting room, the doctors, the staff, the families…it seemed as though it was an alternate universe, one we had somehow strayed into and could not get out of. Yet, here we are. It was interesting today to see one of the doctors who hadn’t seen Randy since surgery, and his absolute amazement at not only Randy’s progress, but that he is alive at all. We discussed the fact that although his friends and family are so thankful and grateful every time we look at him, he doesn’t have any memory of being so sick, and it all happened so fast, he was not even on oxygen when he went into the hospital. Randy did not experience much debilitation prior to his two “crashes”, so his experience and attitude is somewhat aggravated at how his life has changed, rather than daily wonder that he is still alive. It is a strange dichotomy…and sometimes difficult to bridge. He does ask questions, and I tell him about what happened in as detailed a fashion as I can, but the filter in which we see the past 4 or 5 months is quite different.

I think daily of the donor’s family, and wait for the day I can write them a letter and tell them how much their loss has changed our lives. A part of their loved one lives on…not only in Randy, but in others whose lives were saved by this donor. Without this donor, Randy would not be here. I cannot imagine a greater gift given by anyone. I ask you, if you are not already an organ donor, please reconsider that decision. To give life is the ultimate gift. So, ask yourself, do you have the heart to be an organ donor? I hope so, I hope we can all find it within ourselves to be so generous.

Randy is doing very, very well. As well as anyone ever hoped. I know his recovery will continue. His is a happy story, unlike so many others who die on the waiting list, or who are not approved for the waiting list. There is so much illness, so much need in the world. Cystic Fibrosis and Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis are terrible diseases. Any donation or help given to assist in finding a cure, or even a treatment that works, would be appreciated by many. Here are a couple of ideas for you: Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation, Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, and, ironically enough, our dear friends, Tom and Nancy Murphy, are involved with Shamrockin’, a fundraiser for Cystic Fibrosis which takes place once a year in Alpharetta, GA, in March of course, near St Patrick’s Day. If you cannot make the event, you can still donate goods for auction! There are a million ways to make a difference. Choose a cause and do what you can.

LIFE ADVENTURES AND JOURNEYS

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