It’s that time of year….and other random thoughts

…when the world falls in love, fa la la la la la la la la. It is also the time of year to buy gifts, wrap gifts, decorate trees, and numerous other tasks. After the 25th it is time to UNdecorate. I love Christmas and Hanukkah, and cannot seem to master the idea of a minimalist Christmas. To me, More is More at Christmas time. Every ornament is important because each one is a memory…of a person, a place, an event. How could I possibly not put everything on display??  This year I am running late, though.

Our yearly “Christmukkah Eve” gathering will be a smaller version of itself…Randy is too vulnerable from his lung transplant to be exposed to large numbers of people. But as long as we are with friends and family, everything will be wonderful.  With everything going on this year, Mom’s passing, Randy’s shocking illness and recovery…I am quite behind on Christmas.  My body is fighting me every step of the way.  My back flipped out last week, and I am feeling the consequences of a bit (!!!!) of a weight gain through the months of sitting in a hospital…my husband had a sudden illness and Double Lung Transplant…so UT Southwestern was my home for a while. Prior to that I sat at Baylor Plano with my mom. The truth is though, I have no excuse.  I should have worked out and kept up good eating habits instead of eating the creamy soups and bread that everyone kept bringing me.  So I have put on a lot of weight.  Shit.  Pardon the french.  (Why do we call curse words French?  Anyone know?  Actually, French is one of the most beautiful languages on earth…cursing sounds wonderful in French.)

I need to get this weight off.  And it is holiday time, which means food…fattening food, sweet food…almost irresistible food.  Why can’t I just fast for a couple of weeks?  Of course I could.  So why don’t I?  Where is my willpower?  I’m headed on a dive trip in less than a month, and I want to feel like I am walking instead of waddling.  Ugh.  Can’t wait to put on a bathing suit and wetsuit.  Will they even fit?  When you can’t get into your fat clothes, you know you are in BIG trouble.  Bad pun, I know. I don’t even want to go to yoga class because I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. And yes, I know I should be confident and gentle with myself as I get back to normal life (when is life ever normal?), but I tend to be on the self-critical side.

Of course, I should be wrapping, addressing envelopes, making ribbons, walking on the treadmill and doing yoga.  I am just so tired and distracted all the time.  And I even hired an “assistant” to help me get all of this done.  I haven’t finished shopping yet, and that is completely unlike me.  Christmas is the one time of the year when I am actually organized (well, for me).  I did just buy James Taylor’s Christmas album.  That probably doesn’t count as being productive though.

I ordered a new tree from Frontgate, a gorgeous, big, prelit Noble Fir, and I still don’t have it, which means I still have another tree to decorate!  Talk about late. Come to think of it, they have not even called me. Which means I should call them.  I can’t find my ruler to measure the envelopes for my Christmas cards…well, “season” cards…meaning I cannot print the envelopes yet.  And the 5p.m. alarm on the phone just went off, meaning Randy has to take his medications, and I hear him calling, because I feel pretty sure he has no idea where he left them.

Maybe I just need a good night’s sleep. What a random post!  After some sleep, I’m sure I will make sense again.  Hopefully. Okay, have to go find pills.