“The Waiting is the Hardest Part”

Tom Petty is correct:  “The waiting is the hardest part.” Randy is feeling very tired, and he is on a “bipap”, sort of a cpap with 100% oxygen to help him not work so hard to breathe.  He told me today he was worn out and didn’t want anyone but Ally, Wes, Rex (his dad) and I to visit now.  He needs his lungs soon.

Every day that goes by without lungs I worry more….they just have to get lungs soon.  He’s first on the list, and O, the most common blood type.  Soon, soon, soon.  A friend today reminded me of a favorite saying from the Talmud: one who saves a life saves an entire world.  It is why we are organ donors, right?  If I die in an accident, perhaps a part of me will save someone else.  I would want it that way.  And I want Randy’s life to continue with me, with our children, our family…oh yes, Tom Petty, you are so right, waiting is the hardest part.

Randy’s spirits and optimism are intact…he is so ready, he wants it done now.  They don’t want him up and walking anymore…he needs to conserve the strength he has.  He will do some exercise in bed, but not a whole lot.  The Lung Transplant Coordinator told me today that he is still strong, still in good shape, his body has not deteriorated yet…so that is good.  We just need the new lungs.  He has lost about 25 pounds….his body is working so hard to breathe it is burning calories at a fast rate.  Yes, I do worry.  I am trying to empty my mind, to rest, to sleep.  A long road stretches ahead of us.

I worry so much about Ally and Wes.  I know what this is like…having a daddy who is ill, living with the fear of it on a daily basis.  The reality of this is still so “out there”….how can something like this be happening?  So much of this reminds me…but the good thing is that Randy is strong, this happened so fast he is not debilitated like my father was….and lung transplant was not an option for my father.  For myself, this is just beyond comprehension.  How do I feel?  Optimistic, yes, because he just has to be ok.  It is NOT his time, it isn’t.  I miss him, yes. Scared? Yes.  Upset? Yes.  Hungry? Definitely.

Whatever you believe, or don’t believe, no matter what religion you are or aren’t, say a little prayer, or send healing energy Randy’s way or light a candle for him.  Please.